Living with or loving an alcoholic/addict active in his or her disease is too much for most people. Help is needed to start to regain physical, mental and spiritual health. It is often minimized that alcoholism and chemical dependency is a family disease that affects every member of the family. Just as addiction follows a predictable, progressive course with the alcoholic/addict, it does so with the family also. It is very frustrating to helplessly watch a loved one struggle with this disease. Not really knowing what to do, the family typically reacts to the alcoholic/addict in ways that actually enable the problem drinker to continue drinking. Alcoholism/chemical dependency affects all of the alcoholics/addicts relationships--marriage, love affairs, parents, children, friendships, employment. It especially affects those who are closest to the alcoholic/addict -- or those who truly love and care about the alcoholic/addict. That is why alcoholism and chemical dependency is called a family disease. It does not affect the alcoholic/addict alone -- compulsive drinking/drugging can so affect those who love an alcoholic/addict that they themselves can begin to suffer many of the same symptoms of alcoholism/chemical dependency -- extreme irritability, sleeplessness, anxiety, hopelessness, loss of control, rage, fear and a compulsive focus on alcohol. Like the alcoholic/addict, they can deny that they have a problem and can become quite ill before admitting that it is not only the alcoholic/addict who is sick and needs help. They are sick and need help too -- and, like the alcoholic/addict, need to recover from the effects of this devastating, insidious disease.

These well-meaning people have often exhausted themselves by arguing rationally with an irrational illness expecting rational results. In fact they have been pleading, arguing, threatening, placating and trying to exert control not over a person but over a drug -- and they always lose ground. It has been said both the alcoholic/addict and the person who cares for the alcoholic/addict are caught up in the same insanity and same compulsion -- the drinker with his or her arms around the bottle, the person who cares with his or her arms around the alcoholic/addict. And neither one will let go.

The untreated family with the disease of alcoholism/chemical dependency has a systemic interest in maintaining the disease. Each member of the family seems to evolve into a survival role that, unintentionally, helps maintain the dysfunction. This is why it is referred to as a family disease. Treatment for alcoholism/chemical dependency, therefore, should include the entire family. The good news is that there is help available to assist in healing the family wounds and to facilitate help for the alcoholic/addict. Without help, the disease of alcoholism/chemical dependency will continue to follow a predictable, destructive path, for the alcoholic and the family.

Fortunately there is help for the person who cares about an alcoholic/addict and has suffered the effects of this threefold disease -- physical, mental and spiritual. Often speaking honestly with a counselor that is knowledgeable and compassionate about the disease of alcoholism is a first step -- they can evaluate the situation and recommend therapy with a therapist experienced in substance abuse issues as well as recommend joining a peer support group -- in this case Al-Anon, a 12-step program adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Al-Anon has only one purpose -- to help families and friends of alcoholics. That is why Al-Anon is almost always recommended as an effective treatment for the patient. Healing can begin to occur at meetings where members who have shared common problems can give each other insight and understanding and help each other put the focus where it needs to be -- on the person who cares and not on the alcoholic. By sharing experience, strength and hope, a person who has been affected by a loved one's drinking/drugging can begin to detach with compassion from the alcoholic/addict's drinking. Family attitudes and distorted perspectives change. An understanding fellowship can help relieve feelings of fear, confusion, guilt and anxiety, and coping methods can be found, encouragement can be given to the alcoholic and slowly a sense of serenity can be achieved. With the spiritual help of others, attitudes can change which will aid recovery.